THIS IS ME - 1. Time to leave

2016, I left. I left the life that I was used to, and started a journey of discovering.

Everything on the appearance looked quiet well, but the inner me was falling apart.

The business was almost perfect, as a 30+, I only need to work 4 days a week, less than 5 hours per day; lived in two beautiful apartments in two nice cities. Why two? Because I felt something wrong, and I was searching for somewhere that fit to what I want, with more green and nature nearby. They were nice, but not what I craved for.

I knew I needed to change, otherwise I would sink, although everything looked perfectly normal from the outside.

Without any reason, I was crushed, I was depressed, I could only function normally during my work, but in the rest of time, I was totally out of balance. I cried a lot, I still remember I was sitting inside my wardrobe and kept crying without knowing why, I was overwhelmed by darkness and helplessness. It felt really scary and knowing no where out, it haunted me for almost 2 years, but when I was in that, I was so lost and so afraid that the day when everything goes back to normal again will just never come.

I was lost, with on one paying me any concern or giving me support in that moment, and nobody to talk to about this situation. I desperately desired to get better, but I just couldn't. It was so not me, I kept always a positive and cheerful attitude in life, and it was easy for me to find the peace within. But it was gone, I got lost in somewhere, and I wanted me back, the normal me, the normal life, those I was used to. I asked myself: “is there something I really want?”

I kept searching like crazy, like a car driving too fast on the road, eventually the car crashed and tumbled out of track, never would it be able to get back to how it was.

< Editor: Ling, Lee>

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